Sun, rain, wind... more sun? Getting over being stuck: the sequel

 

Having not intended to write a blog at all, I was quite excited at the reaction to my first blog post about feeling stuck. I received some insightful feedback from Helen Caton-Hughes, a coach I hold in great esteem, who said some lovely things about my weather vane metaphor, where I suggested that just because we've chosen to bask in the sun, doesn't mean we never get to dance in puddles ever again. She then went on to point out that of course in most situations there are not just two possible outcomes when we have a decision to make (good point!) and that focusing down on just two can mean we miss out on other great possibilities (even better point!) I thought that was worth exploring in a blog post, so welcome to "getting over feeling stuck: the sequel" (complete with photo of the rose outside my front door basking in the sun.)

Coaching is all about possibility. You and I might be having a coaching conversation and you might say "I don't know whether to bask in the sun or jump in puddles, Jen, what should I do?"

What we could do is talk through a sensible pros and cons list, but I know you're intelligent and you can probably write that list on your own. In fact you probably have.

In coaching we might instead choose to explore possibility by taking a look at what else is going on for you,  and maybe take a couple of steps back from those two options, to see the bigger picture. After all, the more we focus on there being just two options the more we work ourselves up and get pulled down the plug hole of indecision.

So why don't you and I have a go now?

It may not seem like it in England right now being as we are in the middle of a heat wave, but believe it or not, there are many kinds of weather in the world, not just sun to bask in, or rain to dance in, but dry heat, sticky heat, heat with a light breeze, rain with a howling gale, a tornado, or the wind that comes off the sea and sends your empty crisp packet flying across the beach. Just as there are many different ways of looking at your dilemma and many different ways forward for you. 

At this point you may nod sagely and say "But Jen, what's the "right" decision? The "right" way forward?"

And, I'm going out on a limb here, I believe for many decisions, the kind we might bring to a coaching conversation, there isn't necessarily a "right" decision and a "wrong" one. The world constantly changes, as do you, along with your thoughts, dreams and desires. What was "right" for you yesterday might not be "right" today.

I'm not saying I've never done anything I later decided had been the result of a bad decision, but some of  the decisions that took me to challenging places provided such rich opportunities to learn about myself that I wouldn't give up the outcome now, even if I could.

So back to all those different kinds of weather. There are so many different ways to explore what's going on for you, and so many options for you as to the way forward.  As we talk, you might not reach "the answer" or even "an answer", but even more valuable will be what you discover about yourself along the journey as you explore the real you, your values, your vision, your talents.  That learning won't just help you with this decision, but many more to come.

"Ok Jen, this sounds very nice, but how can I step back to consider lots of options when I'm making myself ill with worry wondering whether to bask in the sun or dance in puddles?"

Here is an exercise you can do on your own to help you explore what's important to you, which might help you towards more confident decision making.

Start by finding yourself in a quiet, spot where no one will disturb you. Have a pen and paper with you. Take a deep breath, make sure you're comfortable, and consciously put your current dilemma to one side.

Think of someone you really admire, maybe a friend, family member, colleague or partner. What are the qualities they possess that makes them so admirable?

Write these on the piece of paper.

...and now think of some more. And write them down.

..and a few more.

There's no right answer here so try not to censor or even think much about what you're writing as you jot these down.

Now think of someone else you really admire.  What's great about them?

Write all those qualities down, a few will spring to mind immediately, but take your time to sit and think of the less obvious things too.

After about ten minutes, you will have a sheet of paper filled with qualities.  These will give you an idea of the values that are important to you right now.

Underline the two or three qualities or values that feel particularly important to you today. What do you notice about them?

Which is the no.1 quality on that page for you right now?

Now take time to write answers to the following:

• What would life look like if I were living that value 100%?
• How would I be spending my time?
• Who would I  be hanging out with? What would i be able to achieve?
• What is this value telling me about my options in my current situation?

Do have a go at this and let me know how you get on.

Today I'm channelling stepping back into the big picture and reflecting on what's really important to me. What's really important to you?

Written with love

Jen

To read the original blog about overcoming feeling stuck, scroll down, it's called 'to bask in the sun or dance in puddles'

This exercise is adapted from one I learnt as part of my original coaching training with The Forton Group with thanks to Helen caton Hughes and Bob Hughes. You can find out more at www.thefortongroup.com or follow them @fortongroup

Feeling stuck comes up a lot in coaching work, and there are many ways to explore to help you move forward, far too many for this blog post. If you'd like to find out more about what you can get from working with a coach, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com  and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates i can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna
Certified Leadership Coach
If you like this blog you can follow me on twitter @jenthecoach

 

Things I've learnt from Beethoven and Mozart: Don't leave anyone stuck behind a pillar

On Saturday night I led the cello section of London based Lambeth orchestra in  a concert of Mozart and Beethoven, as our regular leaders were busy being talented elsewhere.  It's the first time I've led a cello section since becoming a leadership coach, so I was wondering if what I've learnt about leadership in an organisational context works in the idiosyncratic world of an orchestra...... and for what it's worth here are my reflections on what I try and achieve:

1. Know the music
Count the bars rest, and come in at the right point, nothing is more unsettling for a string section than having a leader who isn't confident. (Counting is not my favourite job but someone has to do it.)

2. Spend time practising the semiquaver passages
If you expect the section to practice the really fast bits on their own time, you have to show you have practised too, by being able to play the fast bits yourself. (I like playing fast bits much more than I like counting.)

3. Do the bowings you say you're going to do
Ideally a string section's bows should all go in the same direction at any time. Where possible this should also reflect what the other string sections are doing. A section will follow their leader's bow. So don't spend hours writing the bowing in the music, and ensure everyone has the same bowing marked, then do something different because the mood takes you. (Sadly I am very guilty of this last point.)

4. Ask for help
There's a really tricky entrance in the final movement of Beethoven's 8th symphony, after 11 bars rest and a page turn. It's very exposed and really easy to get out of tune. We knew we would be so nervous about getting this bit right, then so relieved when it was over that there was a risk that in our excitement we'd stop counting entirely and miss the next entry. Everyone was worried, so I asked our conductor to give us a cue, which he did.  (And yes we got the entry right- well done Lambeth cello section!)

5. Turn around
The leader sits with their back to rest of the section (which, thinking about an office context sounds very bad form.) In rehearsals it's tempting to turn around to pass a message back through the section only when we're playing too loud/too fast or in the wrong place. (It's exceptionally rare to have to tell a cello section they are playing too quietly!)  Why not turn round to say well done too, and give feedback directly to the back desk, rather than relying on the cascade? They have the hardest job as they can hear/see the least, it can be miserable being at the back.

6.  Don't leave anyone stuck behind a pillar
Talking of it being miserable at the back,  when we got to the church the platform was far too small, cue endless shuffling of chairs. The further back you are the harder it is to hear and see, and it's harder still if you're stuck behind a pillar. Try and ensure everyone has visibility of you and the conductor, because if they don't, there's not a chance in hell you'll all be playing together. And what would Mozart and Beethoven think about that?

So I guess my version of leading a cello section, which might not be how anyone else does it, is pretty close to how I'd like to lead at work, (although I'd love a version of orchestra where I can see my section without turning round) - I want those around me to feel supported, I try to work on being good technically even when practising semiquavers on a saturday morning doesn't feel like fun,  I hope to deliver what I say I'm going to and I really get upset if anyone gets stuck behind a pillar!

And as for the concert.... it went very well thank you, the pianist for Mozart's piano concerto no.25 was phenomenal although, yes, there was a small hiccup towards the end of the third movement. I have no idea, and I'm not sure anyone else does, of what went wrong, these things can happen. However, the minute the piece was over our conductor took full and public responsibility for it. He didn't have to, and that, to me, is great leadership. Mozart would surely have approved.
 
What is your version of great leadership? Leadership means so many different things to different people, as usual, far too many for this blog post. If you'd like to find out more about what you can get from working with a coach on your leadership style, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com  and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates i can put you in touch with.

Glossary
Bow - the thing string players scrape across the string to make a noise
Conductor - the boss (answers only to the composer, most of whom are sadly deceased)
a desk - a set of 2 string players who sit next to each other and share music
Semiquavers - fast bits (mostly)

Jennifer McCanna
Certified Leadership Coach
If you like this blog you can follow me on twitter @jenthecoach