Winter, Wisdom and the Wheel of Life

We sometimes look to coaching when there's something amiss - an obstacle to face or challenge to overcome. But why wait for such a situation to present itself in order to focus on how you'd like your life to be?

When you're relaxed and calm (well, relatively speaking!) over the Christmas holiday it's a great time to think about what's coming next for you. And if relaxed or calm doesn't quite reflect what's going on for you, as you juggle a tray of mince pies, a paper hat and a hangover, why not commit to finding a small space for reflection as a Christmas gift to yourself?

As I write we're nearing Winter Solstice - the Celtic festival where the cosmic wheel of the year briefly stops turning, as one cycle ends and another begins. What better time to focus on 'what next?'

Many of our northern European seasonal celebrations originate in this pagan festival of midwinter - the decoration of our homes with evergreens like holly and ivy for example, which signify everlasting life.

Those celebrating the solstice believed that the run up to midwinter was a time for nature to retreat into itself and conserve its energy. But although the woods and fields look bare, there is new life stirring as shoots appear on trees and the first snowdrops prepare to push through the earth.

And, like nature, we too have been conserving our energy, as the days get shorter we feel like hibernating and reflecting (well maybe in times when we were more in tune with nature we did, try telling that to 21st century party planners!) Winter Solstice can be a time for us, like the snowdrops, to return from a period of reflection and regrouping, to put newfound wisdom into action.

As you hang your holly over the fireplace, and open door number 21 on your chocolate advent calendar, why not reflect on what the cycle of life means to you?

As the days get lighter, which of your talents do you want to shine that light on?

As the darkness lifts, which unhelpful thoughts will you leave behind?

What wisdom have you gained over the last few weeks, and how do you want to use it as we move into the new year?

Wishing you light and lightness of being for 2018,

Love
Jen

The Information about winter solstice in this blog post is taken from Sacred Celebrations: a sourcebook, by Glennie Kindred, published 2007 by Gothic Image Publications.

With thanks to Imogen for buying it for me!

If you'd like to find out more about how working with a coach could help you be the person you want to be, and achieve what you want to achieve, email me at jennifer@mccannacoaching.co.uk and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates I can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna, Professional Leadership Coachhttp://mccannacoaching.co.uk/

When good things come out of unhelpful situations

We've all been there - the job move that turns your hair white overnight, the new boss whose way of working ramps up your stress levels, or the nightmare project where nothing ever seems to go right.

When we're in the middle of these situations it's very hard to see anything positive in the situation. Stress in one area of our life, be it home or work, can easily spill into other parts of our lives and it can rapidly feel like we're losing control, and with it, any last vestiges of confidence we had in our own ability.

If I think about my own professional life, I look back on these situations and I shudder, but I also know that they have been the times when I've learnt the most about myself, my strengths and my preferences. The times I've been forced out of my comfort zone (or forced to stretch the perimeter of my comfort zone) are the times I've developed new skills or surprised myself about how I can handle a situation I previously thought I could never manage.

I'm not suggesting we all go round seeking unhealthily stressful situations but I do think that if, and when, they happen, there is great value in taking time to reflect and focus on any potential learning, and acknowledging "hey, I got through it, I'm tougher than I thought"

It's hard to do that when you're right in the middle of a stressful situation or even directly afterwards. I often find I don't process the last job, project or situation until I'm well into the next one. Only then am I able to view what happened with the objectivity that distance and time can provide.

I worked with a wonderfully thoughtful and insightful client recently who had experienced in the recent past a very stressful job role. The client acknowledged that on leaving that particular organisation, they had found the courage to have a very open conversation with a senior colleague to explain their feelings. Aside from the gift of feedback this client left her past organisation, she now knows that she has the courage and skill to have that kind of courageous conversation again if she needs to, without going to pieces, and how empowering is that?

What past situation would you benefit from reflecting on? And how can that unhelpful situation help you grow, develop and manage yourself towards better situations in the future?

We often dont get much further than "well I'm going to avoid situations or people like that again" without really thinking about exactly what it is we want to avoid, and indeed whether we have developed new coping mechanisms in the process.

These are some of the questions I have asked myself in these situations, I hope they are helpful:

What attracted me to that situation in the first place?
What did I learn about environments I like to thrive in?
What did I learn about what makes me stressed?
What contribution did I make to how stressful it became? What might I do differently next time?
What was great about how I handled the situation?
What new skills did I develop in order to cope?
What can I acknowledge myself for, now the situation is over?
Yours, learning all the time,

Jen

P.S The above picture is of Whitstable beach, and if you look closely you can see someone with the job of digging for bait, which may or may not be a stressful job, depending on your preferences.

If you'd like to find out more about how working with a coach could help you be the person you want to be, and achieve what you want to achieve, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates I can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna, Professional Leadership Coach
Follow me on twitter @jenthecoach

The weight of expectation!

How much are you doing because you're expected to, and how much because you really want to?

This is a difficult question to answer, because sometimes I think I really want to do something, but it turns out my fears and beliefs about myself and what others think of me are clouding my judgement. So where are these expectations coming from? And how much attention should I pay to them?

People can expect a lot from us, but society expects an awful lot of us too: it expects us to get a job, pay our taxes and have good table manners. Those things it's pretty overt about. It expects a few other things as well which it's not so keen to admit to: Society is still a bit sexist - if we are a man it expects us to hold down a good job, be able to time a punch line, and be a versatile sportsman. If we're a girl it expects us to look attractive and do something creative with a cupcake. Well it used to, now it expects us to look attractive whilst juggling two children under five, one of whom is breast feeding, holding down a job, whilst writing our second novel, learning to tango (for fun!) and appearing on Question Time sounding coherent, whilst looking attractive, yet with gravitas, in a dress perfectly selected for the occasion.

And I'm not sure that I am exaggerating for effect, because listening between the lines of the people I talk to, men and women, I have a feeling these expectations may start coming from other people or society, but they quickly help us form beliefs about ourselves and how we should be, and therefore become expectations we use to give ourselves a hard time.

 

Here's an example: I spoke to a good friend today whose perception of how she was coping was that she was doing badly: the baby won't sleep, I can't remember having a decent night out with my partner, the flat is a tip and I don't seem to be winning on any front.

 

Notice that these things, many out of her personal control, were things she was using to suggest it was she who was not living up to expectations, (you have to applaud her taking responsibility!) rather than the expectations being out if sync with what is realistic. 

This is not helping her cope. What she neglected to mention at the time was that she is managing an awful lot very well-  keeping fit, cooking healthy meals and focusing on helping her baby thrive. And focusing on what we are, what we have, is so much more empowering and energising than focusing on where we think ourselves to be failing.

But much easier said than done I'm sure you'll agree! So maybe try this next time you feel overwhelmed by what is expected of you:

 Ask who is expecting this of me? Is it me? Then I can change it. If its not me, who or what is it? How much attention do I choose to pay them?

Maybe next think about what success means to you, not to your partner or your boss or to the editor of a woman's magazine, but to you. 

 

Having a vision of what long term success looks like can really help put today's feeling of overwhelm into perspective. And if that's too hard, break it down and ask, what does success look like today? (For my friend, doing something that makes her feel like her - planning a night where she can dress up and go out, or reminding herself at the end of the day what is going well and what she can be proud of.)

 

Here are some further questions you could reflect on, if you fancied it:

What if it didn't matter what everyone else thought? What if I trod my own path? What would that path look like? Which weeds would I scythe down? What wild animals would I tame on my way? 

Then look around you, who else is treading their own path? How can I support them when they are stuck behind some nettles?

With love to all of us, in spite of, and because of all our frailties, and our wonderful talents,

Jen xxx

If you'd like to find out more about how working with a coach could help you be the person you want to be, and achieve what you want to achieve, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates I can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna, Professional Leadership Coach
Follow me on twitter @jenthecoach

To plan or not to plan? That is the question

Should I have a career plan? A question we think we should be asking ourselves, but what will a plan do for you? And if you want a plan, how do you go about getting one?

A friend posed the question the other day, 'does anyone have a five year plan?'

A quick poll in the pub of our school friends - thoughtful, successful and intelligent folk - suggested that no, not everyone has a five year plan, in fact not many of us have any sort of plan at all.

I think there are benefits to having a plan, because if you have a vision of what you'd like to aim for its easier to work out how to get there.

However, I think it's easy to give yourself a hard time for not having a plan. We might assume that its only the people who are single minded about their long term goals who will be successful, and that's definitely not helpful.

So my answer to 'does everyone have a plan?' is 'do you want a plan?' and 'what would be different if you had a plan?'

If you decide you'd like a plan, but you don't know where to start, maybe begin with creating your vision of the future. Ask yourself questions like 'where will I be living', 'In what sort of environment will I be working?', 'who else will be there?', 'What skills will I be using?', 'What am I truly passionate about?'. You could keep a vision notebook where you jot down pieces of your vision. Many of my clients enjoy creating a vision board of what they want their life to look like using pictures from magazines that inspire them.

Your plan will fall out of this vision. Ask yourself 'what do I already have that will help me create this vision?' This could be experience, contacts or skills.

And if you don't want a plan, don't force yourself to have one! Sometimes not having a plan is liberating, and not rigidly sticking to a plan you do have means you can be truly open to opportunity.

I was reminded about this on a recent canoeing trip: I was quite keen on knowing where we would start and where we would finish and how we'd get back, and one of my friends was keen on just having an amazing adventure and seeing how far we could paddle. Once we got out on the water I started to shift into the "no plan" camp, just enjoying the scenery, not worried about how far we'd gone or when we'd reach the next landing.

Sometimes I think we can be so fixed on the end goal we forget to enjoy the journey. And there's so much to see on the journey!

So there's pros and cons to planning. Certainly spending some time creating a vision of the future and working out how you'll get there is useful. But it's not for everyone, or every situation. Sometimes it's nice just to let the scenery of the river glide by, and see where you end up.

The above photo was taken at the start of our canoeing trip on the river Wye in Herefordshire, with thanks to Matt, Luke, Barny, Chris and Evan for an amazing weekend. Thanks also to Neil, Greg and Bryony for being the inquisitive school friends in question.

If you'd like to find out more about how working with a coach could help you be the person you want to be, and achieve what you want to achieve, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com  and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates I can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna, Professional Leadership Coach
Follow me on twitter @jenthecoach

 

From 'should' to 'could'

How can a simple change in the way you talk to yourself result in a calmer, happier, you?

A word that I hear a lot in, and out of, the coaching room is 'should'. Whilst there's a time and place for 'should' - I should look left and right before crossing the road, for example, it's sometimes used in a way that doesn't serve us well.

So what's unhelpful about one little word like 'should'?

For me, it's often my way of telling myself all the things I need to do. Look at these three statements:

I should clean the house before my parents arrive

I should finish this piece of work before I go to lunch

I should be better at this task by now

What do you notice about them? My first observation is how stressed I feel when I read them. On further reflection I realise they are all presented as fact. There is no choice or possibility in these statements. And sometimes if I am working against a deadline, or incentivising myself to get that sub 30 minute time in the 5K Park Run, that might be useful. But sometimes what 'should' does is close the door to possibility.

Look at these three slightly different phrases:

I could clean the house thoroughly before my parents arrive

I could finish this piece of work before I go for lunch

I could be better at this by now

So what's going on now?

I notice that's it's a lot easier to put the word 'or' after a 'could' sentence. Which opens up possibility.

I could clean the house before my parents arrive, or I could sit down and relax so I'm in a better mood to welcome them (and my mother always finds washing up to do anyway, even if I'm convinced there is nothing to clean.)

I could get this piece of work done by lunch, or I could do that other piece of work, or I could go and chat to my colleague because that's going to make this afternoon's meeting run much more smoothly. (I am giving myself control of my working day.)

I could be better at this task by now, so what happened? Did other things get in the way? Could I use more support? What lessons can I learn? Is this task even still relevant to me? (Could is encouraging me to work out what's really going on.)

I'm not saying either of these are the wrong or right choices, simply that you have a choice.

Should seems to be a way we put undue pressure on ourselves. I should be thin/popular/the best at my job. I should never make mistakes.

Even if we are pretty successful at achieving those things, there will be the odd day we eat our own body weight in doughnuts/someone gets cross with us/we mess up at work, and the more our mind has convinced us of what or whom we 'should' be, the more painful those days are going to feel.

What can you do to notice when you use 'should'? 

I find that 'shoulds' come in waterfalls, once one leaks out, a torrent normally follows. For me this is when I'm feeling under the weather, or when I have too much on or when I'm under pressure.

Next time you feel a waterfall of 'shoulds' welling up, let it happen.  Take a pen and some paper and write them all down. Then take a deep breath, maybe take the piece of paper into a different space, a new room of the house or office, and reflect on each of the statements. Which do you want to turn into statements of possibility or choice? Re-write those sentences and practice saying them out loud, or even to an understanding friend.

Practice noticing when an unhelpful 'should' leaks out. What else could you do with it, to turn it into something that's working for you, not against you.

Do let me know how you get on,

With love
Jen

Seeing as we're on the subject, I couldn't resist this picture of a waterfall near Chang Mai in Thailand, I hope you like it!

If you'd like to find out more about how working with a coach could help you be the person you want to be, and achieve what you want to achieve, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com  and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates I can put you in touch with.

 

 

 

Jennifer McCanna, Professional Leadership Coach
Follow me on twitter @jenthecoach

Because you're worth it!

 

What happens when we really pay attention to ourselves, and stop expecting others to pay attention for us?

 

I recently attended a truly inspirational three-day workshop led by Dr Robert Holden entitled Loveability. Loveability is "about letting the love that is your true nature teach you how to love and be loved"*

It was a practical and inspiring three days and, as well as meeting many interesting people, and lying in Hyde park having a picnic lunch every day, we explored some practical tools, and interesting concepts, through the universal theme of love.

One of my favourite insights was around what happens when we feel wanting in some way. If, for example, we feel out of sorts, we may decide it's because we haven't had enough attention from our partner, our friends or our family. However, it could instead be a sign that we haven't paid enough attention to ourselves recently.

Here's an example from my life: My partner is always saying to me "do less, chill out more" and  I tend to stop momentarily, nod sagely and say " yes, darling, you're completely right" then proceed to rush around attending every social occasion, organising everything and everyone in sight. I've then been known to collapse on the sofa at the end of the week and say "you don't pay me enough attention". He sighs and turns off the episode of "Pointless" he's been watching and asks me how my week was.

If, however, I catch myself in time, and am in a self- aware frame of mind, I can ask myself "do I need attention from someone else or do I need it from me?"

"Do I need to see evidence of love and regard externally or can I seek it from myself?"

And if I make that choice to pay myself some attention, what does that look like? For me, part of loving myself is noticing those self- critical thoughts. Not necessarily doing anything with them, just noticing that they are there and seeing them for what they are, and loving myself anyway.

For you, paying attention and loving yourself might be mean something completely different.

Noticing what is going on in our heads helps us change how we experience the world and how we show up to others.

If you're tempted, you could practice noticing when you'd like some love and attention.

Ask yourself "do I want to seek love and attention from someone else today, or do I want it from myself"

And what does giving yourself love and attention even look like?

To borrow a question or two from Lizzie Prior, a wonderful friend and gifted coach: if you knew that you were 100% loved and supported, what would be different?
 What action could you take in the next three days to bring about more of this?

(Try and make this a practical action, that something that someone else will be able to see evidence of when you've done it.)

Receiving love from others feels good, but loving ourselves feels even better.

Do let me know how you get on.
 
Wishing you lots of love,

Jen

Taking in a nice view, or finding a peaceful spot helps give us space to notice what's going on in our heads, which is why I thought you'd like this photo of the beach at Criccieth in North Wales.

 *quote taken from Loveability by Robert Holden, published by Hay House UK Ltd, 2013.
Read more from Robert at www.robertholden.org
Follow Lizzie on Facebook at Lizzie Prior - sacred rebellion

If you liked this blog, please feel free to share it with your friends. If you'd like to talk about how coaching can help you get what you want, please email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com 
and if I'm not the right coach for you, I have several talented coaching associates I can put you touch with.

Jennifer McCanna
Professional Leadership Coach
Follow me on twitter @jenthecoach

 

Sun, rain, wind... more sun? Getting over being stuck: the sequel

 

Having not intended to write a blog at all, I was quite excited at the reaction to my first blog post about feeling stuck. I received some insightful feedback from Helen Caton-Hughes, a coach I hold in great esteem, who said some lovely things about my weather vane metaphor, where I suggested that just because we've chosen to bask in the sun, doesn't mean we never get to dance in puddles ever again. She then went on to point out that of course in most situations there are not just two possible outcomes when we have a decision to make (good point!) and that focusing down on just two can mean we miss out on other great possibilities (even better point!) I thought that was worth exploring in a blog post, so welcome to "getting over feeling stuck: the sequel" (complete with photo of the rose outside my front door basking in the sun.)

Coaching is all about possibility. You and I might be having a coaching conversation and you might say "I don't know whether to bask in the sun or jump in puddles, Jen, what should I do?"

What we could do is talk through a sensible pros and cons list, but I know you're intelligent and you can probably write that list on your own. In fact you probably have.

In coaching we might instead choose to explore possibility by taking a look at what else is going on for you,  and maybe take a couple of steps back from those two options, to see the bigger picture. After all, the more we focus on there being just two options the more we work ourselves up and get pulled down the plug hole of indecision.

So why don't you and I have a go now?

It may not seem like it in England right now being as we are in the middle of a heat wave, but believe it or not, there are many kinds of weather in the world, not just sun to bask in, or rain to dance in, but dry heat, sticky heat, heat with a light breeze, rain with a howling gale, a tornado, or the wind that comes off the sea and sends your empty crisp packet flying across the beach. Just as there are many different ways of looking at your dilemma and many different ways forward for you. 

At this point you may nod sagely and say "But Jen, what's the "right" decision? The "right" way forward?"

And, I'm going out on a limb here, I believe for many decisions, the kind we might bring to a coaching conversation, there isn't necessarily a "right" decision and a "wrong" one. The world constantly changes, as do you, along with your thoughts, dreams and desires. What was "right" for you yesterday might not be "right" today.

I'm not saying I've never done anything I later decided had been the result of a bad decision, but some of  the decisions that took me to challenging places provided such rich opportunities to learn about myself that I wouldn't give up the outcome now, even if I could.

So back to all those different kinds of weather. There are so many different ways to explore what's going on for you, and so many options for you as to the way forward.  As we talk, you might not reach "the answer" or even "an answer", but even more valuable will be what you discover about yourself along the journey as you explore the real you, your values, your vision, your talents.  That learning won't just help you with this decision, but many more to come.

"Ok Jen, this sounds very nice, but how can I step back to consider lots of options when I'm making myself ill with worry wondering whether to bask in the sun or dance in puddles?"

Here is an exercise you can do on your own to help you explore what's important to you, which might help you towards more confident decision making.

Start by finding yourself in a quiet, spot where no one will disturb you. Have a pen and paper with you. Take a deep breath, make sure you're comfortable, and consciously put your current dilemma to one side.

Think of someone you really admire, maybe a friend, family member, colleague or partner. What are the qualities they possess that makes them so admirable?

Write these on the piece of paper.

...and now think of some more. And write them down.

..and a few more.

There's no right answer here so try not to censor or even think much about what you're writing as you jot these down.

Now think of someone else you really admire.  What's great about them?

Write all those qualities down, a few will spring to mind immediately, but take your time to sit and think of the less obvious things too.

After about ten minutes, you will have a sheet of paper filled with qualities.  These will give you an idea of the values that are important to you right now.

Underline the two or three qualities or values that feel particularly important to you today. What do you notice about them?

Which is the no.1 quality on that page for you right now?

Now take time to write answers to the following:

• What would life look like if I were living that value 100%?
• How would I be spending my time?
• Who would I  be hanging out with? What would i be able to achieve?
• What is this value telling me about my options in my current situation?

Do have a go at this and let me know how you get on.

Today I'm channelling stepping back into the big picture and reflecting on what's really important to me. What's really important to you?

Written with love

Jen

To read the original blog about overcoming feeling stuck, scroll down, it's called 'to bask in the sun or dance in puddles'

This exercise is adapted from one I learnt as part of my original coaching training with The Forton Group with thanks to Helen caton Hughes and Bob Hughes. You can find out more at www.thefortongroup.com or follow them @fortongroup

Feeling stuck comes up a lot in coaching work, and there are many ways to explore to help you move forward, far too many for this blog post. If you'd like to find out more about what you can get from working with a coach, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com  and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates i can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna
Certified Leadership Coach
If you like this blog you can follow me on twitter @jenthecoach

 

Things I've learnt from Beethoven and Mozart: Don't leave anyone stuck behind a pillar

On Saturday night I led the cello section of London based Lambeth orchestra in  a concert of Mozart and Beethoven, as our regular leaders were busy being talented elsewhere.  It's the first time I've led a cello section since becoming a leadership coach, so I was wondering if what I've learnt about leadership in an organisational context works in the idiosyncratic world of an orchestra...... and for what it's worth here are my reflections on what I try and achieve:

1. Know the music
Count the bars rest, and come in at the right point, nothing is more unsettling for a string section than having a leader who isn't confident. (Counting is not my favourite job but someone has to do it.)

2. Spend time practising the semiquaver passages
If you expect the section to practice the really fast bits on their own time, you have to show you have practised too, by being able to play the fast bits yourself. (I like playing fast bits much more than I like counting.)

3. Do the bowings you say you're going to do
Ideally a string section's bows should all go in the same direction at any time. Where possible this should also reflect what the other string sections are doing. A section will follow their leader's bow. So don't spend hours writing the bowing in the music, and ensure everyone has the same bowing marked, then do something different because the mood takes you. (Sadly I am very guilty of this last point.)

4. Ask for help
There's a really tricky entrance in the final movement of Beethoven's 8th symphony, after 11 bars rest and a page turn. It's very exposed and really easy to get out of tune. We knew we would be so nervous about getting this bit right, then so relieved when it was over that there was a risk that in our excitement we'd stop counting entirely and miss the next entry. Everyone was worried, so I asked our conductor to give us a cue, which he did.  (And yes we got the entry right- well done Lambeth cello section!)

5. Turn around
The leader sits with their back to rest of the section (which, thinking about an office context sounds very bad form.) In rehearsals it's tempting to turn around to pass a message back through the section only when we're playing too loud/too fast or in the wrong place. (It's exceptionally rare to have to tell a cello section they are playing too quietly!)  Why not turn round to say well done too, and give feedback directly to the back desk, rather than relying on the cascade? They have the hardest job as they can hear/see the least, it can be miserable being at the back.

6.  Don't leave anyone stuck behind a pillar
Talking of it being miserable at the back,  when we got to the church the platform was far too small, cue endless shuffling of chairs. The further back you are the harder it is to hear and see, and it's harder still if you're stuck behind a pillar. Try and ensure everyone has visibility of you and the conductor, because if they don't, there's not a chance in hell you'll all be playing together. And what would Mozart and Beethoven think about that?

So I guess my version of leading a cello section, which might not be how anyone else does it, is pretty close to how I'd like to lead at work, (although I'd love a version of orchestra where I can see my section without turning round) - I want those around me to feel supported, I try to work on being good technically even when practising semiquavers on a saturday morning doesn't feel like fun,  I hope to deliver what I say I'm going to and I really get upset if anyone gets stuck behind a pillar!

And as for the concert.... it went very well thank you, the pianist for Mozart's piano concerto no.25 was phenomenal although, yes, there was a small hiccup towards the end of the third movement. I have no idea, and I'm not sure anyone else does, of what went wrong, these things can happen. However, the minute the piece was over our conductor took full and public responsibility for it. He didn't have to, and that, to me, is great leadership. Mozart would surely have approved.
 
What is your version of great leadership? Leadership means so many different things to different people, as usual, far too many for this blog post. If you'd like to find out more about what you can get from working with a coach on your leadership style, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com  and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates i can put you in touch with.

Glossary
Bow - the thing string players scrape across the string to make a noise
Conductor - the boss (answers only to the composer, most of whom are sadly deceased)
a desk - a set of 2 string players who sit next to each other and share music
Semiquavers - fast bits (mostly)

Jennifer McCanna
Certified Leadership Coach
If you like this blog you can follow me on twitter @jenthecoach

To bask in the sun or dance in puddles?

We've all experienced times when we are torn between two options: to focus on our current job or get a new one, to commit to a relationship or keep our options open, to focus on our career or start a family?

These decisions come up in all areas of our life, and when the way forward isn't clear and the decision appears complex, it's often easier to sit back and let fate decide for us.

That's certainly one option. But what happens when fate is slow off the blocks?  We start to feel stuck, which is miserable, and at worst we risk missing opportunities.

Leaving things to fate is sometimes the pragmatic choice. However, we are much more likely to get to a positive outcome if we commit our energy to one of the options in front of us.

Take the issue of staying in your current role or getting a new one. Maybe the current role has potential but has some challenges too, and maybe there's something new you want to try but are not sure how to get started, if you'll be any good at it, and whether it will meet your needs.

Making a decision can feel scary, risky, if it's the "wrong" decision maybe there will be no going back?

Committing to either making your current role everything you want it to be, or to finding that new role, will move your life forward. But doing neither turns into paralysis, and you can start to feel that the situation is being "done to you" rather than remembering you are in control.

Oh, but getting to the point of deciding which one to choose - it's just easier to ignore it isn't it?

How about thinking of yourself as a weathervane? Bear with me...you know the barometers which look like a house with two people in it, there's a lady who comes out when it's going to be sunny and a man who comes out when it's going to rain? They can't both come out at the same time, but even if Ms Sunshine gets a week or two of being out every day, you know Mr Rain will get his chance to dance in puddles again, he's not gone for good.

Imagine having an internal Ms Sunshine and your very own Mr Rain, and assign them the two options making you feel stuck: making the most of current job, exploring new career. Bringing one of them out doesn't mean the other has gone forever, it just means this is your focus right now. Why not let your current job dance in puddles with gay abandon for today? Really put your energy into addressing those challenges, re-connecting with what attracted you to the role in the first place. The new job idea can then come out with her parasol anytime you want. It's not one or the other, forever, it's "which one will I focus on with all my heart today?' As well as welcome relief from feeling torn, focusing on one will give you much more insight to help you work out the best eventual solution for you.

The bigger we build up each decision the more stuck we become, if you're truly stuck try taking control back a day at a time. Why not wake up tomorrow morning and choose to commit, just for that day, to one of your options? See how that day goes, and how it makes you feel.

Life can be amazing, and it is yours to do with what you will.

Feeling stuck comes up a lot in coaching work, and there are many ways to explore to help you move forward, far too many for this blog post. If you'd like to find out more about what you can get from working with a coach, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com  and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates i can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna
Certified Leadership Coach
If you like this blog you can follow me on twitter @jenthecoach