Have you reached 'Peak Change?'

'The only thing that is constant is change', said Hericlitus, the Greek philosopher.

Two thousand years later, post financial crisis, with technology advancing far quicker than we can keep up with, most of us are grudgingly starting to agree.

As individuals we feel the ripples of global change. Few people have a career for life anymore, most have two or three. Even if we stay in one role or organisation for a period of time, that organisation is likely to change dramatically around us.

Workplaces have to be agile to respond to their quickly changing context, which in turn means an increase in the number of restructures we're each likely to go through in our working lives. Before 2007, I knew one friend who had been through redundancy. Now a large percentage of my friends have faced redundancy at least once.

On top of this, we are often dealing with more than one transition at a time. For example, I've just returned to work from maternity leave and the number of changes I've faced is both typical and bewildering: helping my child get used to childcare, getting used to a myriad of changes at work and to sounding coherent in meetings on three hours sleep.

Other changes that are often layered upon change at work include relationship changes and changes that affect our health of the health of our family members.

Sometimes it feels like we've reached 'peak change' and it's overwhelming.

Yet actually going through and coping with peak change is preparing us well for life in the 21st century (even if we are a bit late to the party, sorry Hericlitus!) By raising awareness of how we each respond to change we can take steps to regain control and start positively engaging with our changing world.

Sounds good, where do I start?

 

The good news is that change elicits a predictable series of emotional responses including, but not limited to, denial, anger, confusion, depression and finally, acceptance. Watch Homer Simpson go through this here.

We don't necessarily go through these responses once and in a linear way, but can jump backwards through the emotions, as new information becomes available and new changes occur.

What helps me travel through this emotional minefield is to actively seek out things that help me stay focused and positive. When I say focused I mean focused on what is important to me, who I am, what I contribute to the world and what I can afford to lose control of and know it will be ok. And this connection with knowing who I am helps me tread more easily.

Sounds nice, but how?

For a start, focus and positivity work for me, but you might want engage with a different qualities - creativity, leadership, courage etc.

In order to work out what would help you, take some time to connect with yourself. You can do this on your commute, in the bath or in bed at night:
Close your eyes, take a deep breath. Ask yourself:

How am I feeling about change?
Name all the feelings that come up.

Take another deep breath and check in with any areas of tension. Maybe place a hand on anywhere that feels tight.

When you're ready (and if all this deep breathing hasn't sent you to sleep!) ask yourself:

What do I want to focus on? which of my qualities do I want to show to the world right now?
See where this train of thought takes you.

Then ask, what does showcasing this quality look like for me right now?

It might be asking questions, speaking up in meetings or getting out of your workplace during the day. Or something non-work related like creating some time to go on a long walk or pursue a hobby.

Other practical things you can do to help you stay positive through change:

• think about who you hang out with. Who helps you feel confident? Who brings you down?
• how can you be a force for good to others experiencing change?
• read about change and how as individuals we respond to it. I like this article by Terri Babers about dealing with change positively.It includes some great suggestions.

Creating awareness of your feelings is the first step to managing them. And in order to do that you need to give yourself permission to have them. No matter how many times you've gone through change at work, relationship changes or any other transition, it is still difficult. Your feelings are still valid. Give yourself some love, and add 'resilience' to that list of fantastic qualities you bring to the world. After all, did Hericlitus ever have to do a work presentation after three hours sleep , a two hour commute and on recently upgraded meeting room software? No, I didn't think so. You rock!!

With love

Jen

P.S This blog's picture is the street that I live on in London, experiencing some changeable weather.

If you'd like to find out more about how working with a coach could help you be the person you want to be, and achieve what you want to achieve, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com connect with me at Linked In, and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates I can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna ACC

Professional Leadership Coach

Follow me on twitter @jenthecoach

A word about advice

 

 

Ever felt so overwhelmed by advice that it becomes hard to know what to think, let alone what to do?

There are some situations in life where seeking and receiving advice is useful, and indeed even life saving. For example if you've been feeling unwell you would probably, sensibly, seek the advice of your doctor.

There are also many situations in life, such as whether to stay in a job or a relationship for example, where ultimately no amount of advice from others will help, because a decision or way forward is so personal and so unique to you, that no one else can possibly make the decision for you.

My baby is ten months old today and I started thinking about this blog post about six months ago when I was faced with so much advice concerning both her, and my, wellbeing.

Being a new parent is, according to many, fraught with pitfalls and boy should us parents smarten up and listen to the advice. And believe me, there is an avalanche of it!

It comes from well meaning friends and relatives. It also comes from baby experts telling us off in their books, other parents sharing what's worked for them in the hope it helps you, and it even comes from complete strangers - one can be nipping to the supermarket for an onion and find oneself bombarded with unsolicited advice about the position of baby in the buggy/ whether or not to give baby water in hot weather/ why your baby is tired/hungry/hot/cold. (NB these exact things have happened to friends of mine.)

Here's the thing - advice is often an opinion. Not fact. Those giving the advice, no matter how well they know me, cannot know what course of action feels right for me. And the more I listen to them, the less I trust my own judgement. And this is truly where I come unstuck.

Back in the summer when my daughter was about three or four months old, I fell fully into the ‘obsessing about parenting advice’ spiral.  I learnt some great tips, but the more I listened to advice, the less I could hear my own voice, and the less I trusted my own judgement and instinct as a parent. I became anxious and obsessed with my baby's sleep patterns. Even though my baby was happy, this anxiety impacted on my confidence as a parent.

I've been in other situations where I've been bombarded by advice before, during relationship difficulties or deciding whether to leave a job. In all those situations the only thing that truly worked for me was to tune into my own instinct, my own inner voice.

Have you ever fallen down an advice spiral?

Now I'm not about to give you advice about taking advice am I? But I'll share what I did this summer to clamber out of that advice spiral when I was lying on the bedroom floor, exhausted and doubting my abilities as a mum.

1. I sought support not advice.

2. I dialled up the volume on my instinct

3. I made some decisions and I waited to see what happened.

But how exactly?

Seek support not advice.

I spoke to friends I know to be good listeners and those who had recently been where I was knew how I felt and boosted my confidence. They also helped me feel not alone.

I tried not to engage emotionally with any advice given, unless of course it was from a qualified health professional. I listened intellectually to the suggestions, but reserved the right to file them in the recycling bin if they didn't seem helpful to my situation. (One way of listening to someone without engaging with it emotionally is to pretend the advice is being given to someone else).

I practiced nodding politely when unsolicited advice was given and didn't feel obliged to enter a conversation about it.

Turn up the volume on your instinct.

If you’re going to try this, first find quiet space (hard if you're a parent I know), go on a walk in nature, stare out of the train window or have a bath without music or the radio. I walked round the park with the push chair and my phone switched to silent.

This quiet time is a great time to tune into your inner voice. It’s not necessarily the time that I ask myself the big questions, because that can often get the anxiety levels rising again, but it’s time to spend with you. You could imagine a version of you in 6 months/a year/5 years time. What does that version of you want to say to you? You could also start by contemplating some smaller decisions. Even ‘what shall I do today’ or even ‘what do I really want to eat for lunch’ can feel huge if you’re feeling stressed, but making some small decisions for yourself can help build your confidence again. I thought about what I’ll be thinking about in 5 years time when my baby is at school, will I still be worried about sleep patterns? Probably not.


Make some decisions and wait to see what happens

I'd already started asking myself questions related to daily tasks, so next I started making a few other decisions relating to whatever it was that was making me anxious: giving things a go and seeing how it pans out. If you read this blog regularly you'll know that for most situations I don't believe there is a right or wrong thing to do, just a range of options, with usually more than one that will turn out just fine. Choosing to do something to change things, however small, helps prevent me getting stuck.

In the summer I decided to stop logging how my baby was eating and sleeping on my baby app (yes I know, who knew they existed?) That really helped me focus less on her sleep, whether it be good or bad (what is good or bad anyway? according to who?) I also sought out conversations about subjects I did know a bit about. That not only helped me keep the whole subject of babies in context, but also gave my confidence a boost.

What about you? What are you focusing on right now? Whose voices are holding you back? If you could dial down the external inputs and tune into your own inner voice, what would life look like?

Let me know if you decide to give it a go!

With love

Jen xxx

If you'd like to find out more about how working with a coach could help you be the person you want to be, and achieve what you want to achieve, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com or connect with me at Linked In, and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates I can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna ACC

Professional Leadership CoachFollow me on twitter @jenthecoach