Thursday 21 November 2013

When good things come out of unhelpful situations

We've all been there - the job move that turns your hair white overnight, the new boss whose way of working ramps up your stress levels, or the nightmare project where nothing ever seems to go right.

When we're in the middle of these situations it's very hard to see anything positive in the situation. Stress in one area of our life, be it home or work, can easily spill into other parts of our lives and it can rapidly feel like we're losing control, and with it, any last vestiges of confidence we had in our own ability.

If I think about my own professional life, I look back on these situations and I shudder, but I also know that they have been the times when I've learnt the most about myself, my strengths and my preferences. The times I've been forced out of my comfort zone (or forced to stretch the perimeter of my comfort zone) are the times I've developed new skills or surprised myself about how I can handle a situation I previously thought I could never manage.

I'm not suggesting we all go round seeking unhealthily stressful situations but I do think that if, and when, they happen, there is great value in taking time to reflect and focus on any potential learning, and acknowledging "hey, I got through it, I'm tougher than I thought"

It's hard to do that when you're right in the middle of a stressful situation or even directly afterwards. I often find I don't process the last job, project or situation until I'm well into the next one. Only then am I able to view what happened with the objectivity that distance and time can provide.

I worked with a wonderfully thoughtful and insightful client recently who had experienced in the recent past a very stressful job role. The client acknowledged that on leaving that particular organisation, they had found the courage to have a very open conversation with a senior colleague to explain their feelings. Aside from the gift of feedback this client left her past organisation, she now knows that she has the courage and skill to have that kind of courageous conversation again if she needs to, without going to pieces, and how empowering is that?


What past situation would you benefit from reflecting on? And how can that unhelpful situation help you grow, develop and manage yourself towards better situations in the future?

We often dont get much further than "well I'm going to avoid situations or people like that again" without really thinking about exactly what it is we want to avoid, and indeed whether we have developed new coping mechanisms in the process.

These are some of the questions I have asked myself in these situations, I hope they are helpful:

What attracted me to that situation in the first place?
What did I learn about environments I like to thrive in?
What did I learn about what makes me stressed?
What contribution did I make to how stressful it became? What might I do differently next time?
What was great about how I handled the situation?
What new skills did I develop in order to cope?
What can I acknowledge myself for, now the situation is over?
Yours, learning all the time,


Jen

P.S The above picture is of Whitstable beach, and if you look closely you can see someone with the job of digging for bait, which may or may not be a stressful job, depending on your preferences.

If you'd like to find out more about how working with a coach could help you be the person you want to be, and achieve what you want to achieve, email me at jennifermccanna@gmail.com and if I'm not the coach for you, I have a network of talented associates I can put you in touch with.

Jennifer McCanna, Professional Leadership Coach
Follow me on twitter @jenthecoach